John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
