I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
