everyone is single if you try hard enough
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
