ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
