remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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