I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Randomize
