that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
