I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
