3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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