if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
