dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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