i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
