Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
