I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
