I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
