So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Randomize
