So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
