Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
