Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I touched a dick in church today
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
