I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
