thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
