I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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