wrigley field is MILF paradise
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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