Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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