hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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