WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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