Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
