We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
