why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
