This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I need to calm my uterus...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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