What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
