Dual....:-)
false alarm. still invincible.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
