if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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