1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
