After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
