So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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