It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
