You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
