I accidentally burped into my bong.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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