I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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