I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
