i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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