apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
