She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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