So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
