Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
