I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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