Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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