I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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