he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I woke up under a house in Key West
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