Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
