OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
