We're facebook friends in real life
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
