Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
